Sweet Poison (Homestuck fic)
Jan. 19th, 2016 04:27 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
nobrandheroTitle: Sweet Poison
Fandom: Homestuck
Rating: M
Word count: 5,064
Pairing(s): Jake English<3Dirk Strider, Jake English<3<Dirk Strider, Jane Crocker<>Jake English
Warnings: Dubcon, dubcon drug usage, violent makeouts, blood, light sex
Summary: Some unstable relationships end. Others vacillate. The line between pity and hatred grows thin as Jake struggles to adjust to an unplanned kismesissitude with his childhood friend.
Notes: This is a prequel/sequel for Constants & Variables. Mind the warnings on this one.
Read on Dreamwidth under the cut, or over on AO3.
----
For all the moments that Jake had risked life and limb in skirmishes, the confrontations with highblood politicians were not what he hated the most about the rebellion thus far. The worst moments were easily the first few nights in a new city: returning to their hideout before everyone else, waiting hours for any sign of Dirk and Jane, praying nothing had gone wrong in the few hours that he wasn't present...
He paced. They were only gathering intel, they had to be safe, but what if a soldier thought they looked suspicious? What if Dirk had bled? What if a highblood was in a poor mood and took it out on the lowblood who refused to wear a sign? He never should have agreed to splitting up.
His hand went for a pistol as he heard the door open, but to his great relief it was only Dirk. Jake relaxed and moved in to greet him with a kiss.
"Been waiting long?" Dirk said, sounding too amused for Jake's taste.
Jake lightly shoved his shoulder. "You sent me on the easy errand, you idle-sponged lout." He nuzzled the side of Dirk's face. "Where's Jane?"
"She's lying low with a tealblood friend." Dirk nuzzled back. "She can keep her ear to the ground easier around a mid-caste, if anything goes wrong on our end."
Jake sighed and preemptively brought the physical affection to a halt. "I take it you have plans for us before the night's over?"
Dirk nodded. "Jane did a little sleuthing. Turns out that indigoblood we're after has got a lowblood fetish." He held up a packet of slimy, purple leaves shaped almost unnaturally like a triangle.
Jake had never seen blueblood's bane in person, but he'd watched enough movies to know it at a glance. The stuff was a strong sedative that left highbloods physically helpless and had practically no effect on trolls with teal or lower blood. In films, the lowblood would chew on a leaf until the oils settled in their mouth, then transfer the sedative to their highblood partner by swapping saliva.
It was... kinky, perhaps, but not uncommonly used between couples of differing blood castes. Matesprits used it to build trust. Kismeses used it to show dominance against a physically stronger lover.
The fact Dirk had procured some while discussing an indigoblood did not... bode well.
Jake grimaced. "Please tell me you're not about to suggest what I think you are."
"Bet you anything I can seduce the guy in five minutes and slit his throat within five more."
Jake's skin crawled. "You're going to whore yourself out?"
"I'm just going to swap some spit and be out of there long before there's any opportunity to get freaky with a highblood perv." Dirk smirked. "Don't worry; you're still the only guy for me."
"What if he doesn't move in for a kiss? What if his other fetishes include avoiding his partner's saliva at all costs?" Jake threw up a hand in exasperation. "Dirk, he could rape you, notice your genetic material is bright friggin red, and have you executed on the spot!"
"You saying you wouldn't come swooping in to my rescue? This sounds right up your alley, dude."
"For the love of-" Jake slapped his palm against his forehead. "If I ever caught someone attempting to hurt you, I would shoot them so many times there wouldn't be an unused bullet left for miles! All the same, I'd rather you not go gallivanting off into perilous situations under the questionable assurance that I'll be able to keep up!"
Dirk raised an eyebrow over his shades. "Remember when I told you to be more skeptical like Jane?"
Jake huffed. "Yes."
"Now's not the time." Dirk kissed at the corner of his mouth. "Trust in me here, Jake."
"I trust you," Jake grumbled. "I still don't like my matesprit canoodling with someone that viperous."
"I'll make it up to you afterwards." Dirk kissed at Jake's throat, lightly sucking at his skin in that way that always made Jake shiver.
"I'll hold you to that promise, Strider," Jake said, his voice breathy.
Dirk nodded and took his time pulling away from Jake's neck. "Let's get this shit done before the sun comes up." He took out a single leaf of blueblood's bane and held it between two fingers.
"Should you take that so early?"
"Better to take it here than risk someone seeing." Dirk shrugged. "The oils will last the night either way." He slipped it into his mouth and winced with an expression that could only accompany an unexpectedly bad taste.
"Never tried it before?" Jake said, fighting a smirk. It wasn't often he got to see Dirk squirm.
Dirk shook his head and only chewed a couple more times before forcing himself to swallow.
Jake caught him around the waist and pulled him in close for a kiss. The normally comforting taste of Dirk's mouth was diluted by a bitter, almost sour flavor.
"My word, that is awful." Jake spat his tongue out, trying to banish the taste. "How long before the paralysis would take effect if I was a highblood?"
"Less than a minute. So long as I don't really fuck up my timing, I sh-" Dirk stumbled, then crashed to the floor.
Jake was too startled to do more than gape. "Dirk?"
Dirk struggled as if a weight was pressing him against the ground. "Fuck." He went still and, for the first time in memory, Dirk fucking Strider looked sheepish. "I hadn't factored in the mutation."
"Pffff-" Jake had to slap a hand over his mouth to muffle his laughter, for as little good as it did.
"Your sense of humor is shit, Jake."
"I-I'm sorry, I shouldn't laugh, I just-" He cracked up all the more. "Oh god, Janey should have seen that. What a fucking hoot."
Dirk twitched and barely seemed capable of even raising an arm. "Just get me off the damn floor."
"Righto." Jake chuckled even as he knelt to lift him. He'd never felt Dirk go so limp, not even after he'd hurt his leg and needed Jake to carry him after a bad scrum. He laid Dirk on the couch and sat next to him, stroking his face. "Oh, you poor thing. Poor, pitiful thing. Bottom of the hemospectrum and you're still reacting like a bejabbering purpleblood."
Dirk frowned and weakly nuzzled against Jake's hand. He looked so helpless, so feeble, so completely un-Dirk-like... and so, so pitiful.
Jake kissed his forehead. "How long does the paralysis last?"
"When passed via saliva, twenty minutes at the most."
Jake tilted his head. "And... when ingested directly?"
Dirk hesitated before he muttered, "Five hours."
"Oh my god." Jake had to choke down another bark of laughter. "Good thing you ate the blasted stuff here instead of in public."
Dirk grunted, scowling.
"It's not all bad." Jake slipped Dirk's shades off. He loved the intensity of Dirk's eyes, the bright red on yellow that he so rarely got to view... He leaned in close, staring directly into Dirk's eyes. "So. What shall I do with you for five hours then, hmm?"
To Jake's delight, there was the faintest of a red glow on Dirk's cheeks. "I can't trust you to take initiative yet? Dammit, Harley, I've told you to be more assertive."
Jake grinned. "You mean like this?" He leaned in and kissed Dirk deeply.
"Yeah," Dirk said once Jake let him breathe again. "That's a decent start."
Jake nodded with a chuckle. He kissed him, first on the lips, then the chin, then the throat, then he was doing a great deal more than kissing. He slid an arm up his shirt, rubbed his side... slid an arm down his jeans, rubbed his thigh.
Dirk was so weak, he could barely even kiss back, but that was all right. It wasn't often that Jake had the pleasure of pampering his matesprit. He wasn't sure Dirk had ever allowed him half this much control, but he found he liked it. He liked it a lot.
It didn't matter that Dirk couldn't return any favors; it was just so satisfying to try out different pressures, different spots, different ways to be intimate, and hear a moan of approval. It was like an experiment: carefully searching for the perfect balance of rough and gentle that would make Dirk melt into a very uncool mess of whines.
Jake had never been so relieved that Jane was staying with a friend. He wanted to take his time, to get as close as Dirk would let him, without fear of interruption.
When he'd sufficiently tired himself out, Jake lay on Dirk's chest, breathing in sync with him and listening to the beautiful, steady beat of his blood pusher. Dirk had enough energy back to stroke at his shoulders. Everything was perfect, and lovely, and time could just stop for all Jake cared.
"Dirk?" he whispered.
"Hn?"
He swallowed, summing up the courage to continue. "Can we do this again sometime?" He lowered his eyes as he felt a blush coming on. "I mean, I'd ingest the blueblood's bane, you wouldn't be stuck like this for a full five hours again..." He rubbed Dirk's sides. "I'd just kiss you and... take care of you a bit... if... if you were okay with that."
Dirk was silent a moment. "I guess sometimes. If that's what you want."
Jake beamed and snuggled in closer. For as much as he'd enjoyed their swapped power dynamics over the past few hours, he was more than relieved when he felt Dirk's arms wrap tightly around him, his strength returned.
* * *
In terms of specifics, I depict blackrom as a strong rivalry that involves taking advantage of your partner's weak points so that they have to build stronger defenses (which would be an important survival mechanism on a place as ruthless as Alternia). Thus, a lot of the intimate moments come with a struggle for dominance that may look iffy from a human perspective. But yeah, I promise it's 100% about "I'll show YOU who's dominant in this relationship! *feral alien noises*" and there's no "do not want!" going on.
Also, violence and blood.
Chapter Two
It didn't happen often, but it was one of the most gratifying moments in their relationship whenever Dirk voluntarily went limp in his arms, whenever he kissed Jake knowing full-well he'd turn defenseless in the bargain. It meant he trusted Jake to take care of him, to protect him if they were in danger, to respect his boundaries and relinquish control if it stopped being fun.
Jake loved the trust just as much as he loved traversing Dirk's body, and maybe even more so. (Maybe not. It was so delightful to watch Dirk relax under his touch, unable to turn it back on Jake and make him the center of attention in time to mask his emotions again.)
More than once, he held Dirk close as he slept and studied his face, wishing it could always look so serene. "Jake Harley, you cockamamie fool, you would walk to Hell and back for this man without a second's hesitation," he murmured to himself. He truly thought he meant it.
Jake knew it was common practice, that the quadrants could flip at a moment's notice if a relationship ever grew unstable, but he could never have imagined vacillating to black with Dirk.
Yet two thousand sweeps later, Dirk's claws mercilessly tore into his back and Jake snarled to prevent crying out. He wasn't fast enough to make many marks on Dirk, but when he saw an opportunity, he fucking took it. He caught one of Dirk's horns, yanked his head back, and bit into his exposed throat hard enough to draw blood.
Dirk growled and caught both of Jake's wrists, pinning him to the ground, but Jake refused to loosen his jaw. Dirk pressed a claw into each of Jake's palms, cutting deeper and deeper. Jake only bit harder in retaliation -- I'll make you cry out whether you like it or not, you sodding asshole -- and twisted his hold until Dirk finally groaned in pain.
Satisfied, he pried his fangs out of Dirk's skin and didn't even mind when Dirk slammed his head against the ground. Jake smirked up at him and licked blood off the front of his teeth.
Bright red blood -- the bright red blood they used to try so damn hard to hide at all costs -- dripped off Dirk's throat onto Jake's cheek and it felt so. Fucking. Satisfying. That he'd made Dirk bleed again.
Dirk didn't let him savor the victory long. He tore into Jake's throat and made him shriek in far less time than Jake had taken to get a peep out of Dirk. When Jake had been sufficiently bitten into a whining mess, Dirk moved in for a kiss. Jake tasted blood and he hoped Dirk could taste the cherry red blood on his lips too.
Unfastening clothing was always intense, as it was Jake's one short but consistent window to do damage while Dirk's hands were too preoccupied to defend himself. His claws tore into Dirk's shoulders and broke old cuts back open, which was probably why Dirk never bothered wrestling shirts off or anything else beyond unzipping, yanking pants down to the knees, and calling it good enough. It let him catch Jake's wrists again that much faster and bring his onslaught to a halt.
Dirk kissed him again roughly as he pressed between his legs. Jake writhed and tried not to moan, tried to struggle for dominance even though he knew damn well he didn't have a chance of success. For all his small victories during foreplay, Jake couldn't manage to make a single nick in Dirk's defenses once they actually got to the sex.
In all truth, Jake almost hated it. He hated that something that used to be about trust had turned into a game of dominance -- a game he always lost, no less. He hated that he couldn't moan too loudly or call his quadrantmate's name for fear of giving Dirk one more "win." He hated how much he wanted it, how good it felt in the moment, how unsatisfied it left him in the aftermath...
Hate had become the point, though, hadn't it?
Despite the other frustrations, more than anything else he hated that it ended. Every second that Dirk held him in place was one more moment to relish in his kismesis's warmth. Once the bucket was filled, Dirk was gone. No tired follow-up makeout session to wind down the moment, no treating wounds together, and no falling asleep in each other's arms.
Jake just lay half-naked and alone on the floor, too physically and emotionally drained to bother moving. Only after drifting off a few times did he drag himself to his feet to stumble to his moirail's block.
Jane dropped her book when she caught sight of him. She was on her feet and leading him to the couch lickety-split, cringing at his wounds.
She did him the favor of letting him settle in before she started on the well-deserved scolding. "For gosh sake, Jake, this is the second time this week!" She caught his palm and ran her fingers over the cut, her hand glowing in Life powers that dulled the pain as the wound sealed. "You can't let him do this to you!"
Jake frowned. "Well I'm sorry for letting him best me in every scrum we find ourselves in."
"You're not physically capable of being his rival, Jake." She sighed and spoke softly. "Either one of you needs to address that, or you need an auspistice before you get seriously hurt." She switched to his other hand, treating its wound the same as the other. She kept her eyes trained on his face. "What about Rose? She's smart and should be impartial."
Jake cringed. "Oh, Janey, not one of the kids..."
"Sorry, Jake, but it's pretty slim pickings for quadrantmates these days." She slipped her hand around his once it was healed.
"Yes, quite true." He squeezed her hand. "I guess I should count my lucky stars that I'm fortunate enough to have snagged a swell moirail."
She managed a small smile and leaned in to kiss his cheek. "Together we both must have more lucky stars than we know what to do with." She nuzzled at his jaw, then froze as she got a good look at the bloody markings on his throat. "Consarn it, Strider! Just how many scars did he intend to leave?"
Jake scowled and lifted his chin when she tapped it to get a better angle for healing the bitemarks. "Just for the record, I gave him more than his fair share of shiners too."
She raised an eyebrow.
"I did this time! Blast, did I wipe off all the red blood already?"
"No." Her eyes moved up and down, studying him. "Jake? Do you really hate Dirk?"
He scoffed. "Of course I flipping do! The blooming bastard's a needy, self-righteous bulgefuck."
She nodded, her mouth thin. "He is awfully pushy, I suppose."
"Is something the matter?"
"No. No, not really, it's just..." She frowned. "Sometimes it's hard to remember that we used to all be friends." Her mouth twitched as if she wanted to smile but couldn't quite make it. Her voice grew quieter with each word. "I hate we can't just all hang out anymore, the four of us. Especially when I'm responsible for that."
"Don't talk poppycock." He put an arm around her shoulders and held her close. "All right, maybe this isn't the most ideal outcome, but we both know things would never have just gone back to the way they were, even if you hadn't interfered. We would have lost Roxy, for one, and then perhaps you'd be the one sinking your fangs into Dirk's throat instead of me."
She pressed her face against his shoulder and was quiet a long moment, hopefully digesting his words and feeling better about herself. "Instead of I. Grammar, Jake."
"Sakes alive! Here I'm trying to cheer up a dame and you're more concerned that I need to sound like a stiff old curmudgeon! 'Instead of I.' Do you hear how gawky that sounds?"
She let out a quiet "hoo-hoo" and grinned. "It's still correct, buster."
Jake wrapped both arms around her and continued his gentle teasing as they snuggled, relieved to have found a way to ease the tension in the air.
He still had concerns about Dirk he wished he could air, but... well. She'd been through so much. It wasn't very gentleman-like, to verbally heap on more problems after she'd made it clear she had her own worries to keep track of.
Gracious, maybe they did need an auspistice, if their rivalry was starting to affect others. He couldn't imagine Dirk being terribly cooperative though, especially considering their choices of potential auspistices came down to their moirails, four trolls a great deal younger than them, and a handful of aliens and other assorted oddities.
Where did that leave them then? Breaking up? That wouldn't do; they hated each other far too much to just go their separate ways without making things worse somehow. Jake just needed to match or exceed Dirk's dominance, somehow.
Well, he knew how. He just wasn't sure he was ready to fall back on that solution.
He held Jane close and kissed the top of her head. The poor thing didn't need to deal with tending his wounds every other day and he couldn't imagine Roxy was having a fun time dealing with Dirk either. They needed to stop letting their blackrom issues ricochet onto their moirails and, well, if Dirk wasn't going to man up and do it... Jake supposed it was time to make him.
* * *
Matesprits used it to build trust.
Kismeses used it to assert dominance against naturally stronger partners.
It was normal, there was nothing underhanded about it, but Jake was quite disappointed when he succeeded in alchemizing blueblood's bane. He'd hoped it was impossible and that he'd have an excuse not to use it. No such luck.
He almost put it in his sylladex to deal with later, but he couldn't put it off. It was this or continue making life difficult for Jane. It was this or endless bitemarks on his neck with nary any revenge. It was this or breaking up.
He swallowed a leaf and shuddered. The flavor hadn't improved even an iota since he'd last eaten one.
For the next couple of nights, he ingested one leaf every five hours, save for when he was asleep, always prepared for his next hate-makeout. It was on night three that he found himself alone with Dirk again, trading insults after some petty disagreement until they finally physically clashed.
Jake didn't move in to swap saliva. He could have done it, Dirk's defenses were rarely so high against such a seemingly innocent move, but he waited. He wanted Dirk to bring it on himself, to steal a kiss and realize his mistake too late.
Dirk pinned him to a wall and just ravaged his throat for a while. Jake tried futilely to break free from his grasp and return the damage, his whimpers and moans growing embarrassingly louder the longer Dirk's teeth worked at his neck -- it reached a volume that he worried the walls might be too thin.
Finally Dirk raised his head, nipping along Jake's jaw on the journey up, and pressed their mouths together. Jake tasted blood, but the flavor of the blueblood's bane must have faded in the past hour, if Dirk's initial non-reaction was anything to go by. It was only a matter of seconds before he realized...
Dirk's eyes widened behind his shades. For the first time in over two thousand sweeps, Dirk crumpled in his arms. Jake let him just collapse to the floor.
Jake took a deep breath and smirked before he examined the fruits of his hard work. Dirk's limbs twitched, fighting to move so much as an inch, but he was too weak to even lift his head, let alone defend himself.
Jake should have been elated, but his rightful smug satisfaction barely had a chance to manifest before it drained away as he watched Dirk struggle so futilely. Something felt... wrong.
Dirk was helpless and weak and fragile. Every instinct screamed that Jake needed to protect him, to keep him safe, to scoop him up in his arms before danger could find them...
Jake clenched his hands to fight their trembling. "I've heard of falling for someone, Strider, but I don't think you needed to take it literally." He stepped on Dirk's stomach and slowly pressed his weight down. Dirk gasped and Jake felt a tremor beneath his foot. The poor idiot was still trying to fight him off, knowing damned well he turned weaker than a feather on a blustery day when he was on blueblood's bane.
It was laughable. Of course it was. Jake forced a chuckle.
Dirk growled, but the sound was muffled in his paralysis. It looked all the more pathetic when he tried to bare his teeth. It shouldn't have been any surprise the stubborn asshole wouldn't lose his position of dominance without pointlessly trying to fight it every inch of the way.
Jake knelt and kept one knee pinning Dirk's torso at such an angle that it had to hurt. Ignoring Dirk's feeble attempts at aggression, Jake leaned in to kiss at his neck, to suck at it, to sink his teeth into it until Dirk whined in submission.
Pale green droplets landed on Dirk's neck. Jake had to stare for a full five seconds before he recognized them as his own tears.
He was just being a good kismesis. He was taking advantage of Dirk's weaknesses and forcing him into submission and reminding him they were fated rivals for a reason and that was how kismeses were supposed to be and he fucking hated it so damn much.
He couldn't find air. His best friend- his matesprit- Dirk was helpless and in pain and how the fuck could he have ever thought that was okay?
He choked and his next breath came out in a sob. He crumpled against Dirk's chest, burying his face in his shirt and clinging to his sides as the tears wrenched out of him. He couldn't stop shaking or crying or hating everything about himself for going along with this farce.
The only words he could blubber were a distorted, "I'm sorry," sometimes with an accompanying "I'm so fucking sorry" that was so caught up in sobs that even Jake couldn't understand it.
(He wanted to keep Dirk safe and make him happy and hold him close and how could he have forgotten that?)
Dirk didn't respond. He wouldn't be capable of physically reacting for another fifteen minutes -- he couldn't shove him away or hug him back -- but he remained silent too. Jake hoped the lack of growls and snarls was a good sign.
Jake stayed curled up against Dirk until the sobs calmed into trembling sniffles. "I'm sorry," he said again. "I m-must look a right mess to you." He wiped at his eyes as he sat up.
Dirk's expression was unreadable, as per usual, but Jake was just relieved to find it free of visible anger. "You going to explain what that was about?" Even his voice was flatter than usual, the only noticeable emotion a twinge of confusion.
"I just..." Jake swallowed. "I'm s-sorry, Dirk. I n-never should have abandoned you." He lifted Dirk's arm and kissed at the scarring around his wrist. "I was a d-dagblasted selfish nookwhiffer for trying to walk away from something I knew you couldn't escape." He choked out a pained laugh, pressing his face against Dirk's arm as more tears fell. "Y-you know, I have no idea how I ever survived a day in a kismesissitude with you... in part because I could never keep up with you, but mostly because I pity you so. Damn. Much."
Dirk sighed and Jake wasn't sure if he imagined a slight tremble to the sound. "Goddammit, Jake." He sounded tired. "How many fucking times have I told you to stop going along with what other people want?"
"I know. I know I don't deserve a second chance, but... Please let's start over." He clung to Dirk's hand. "I can't be your kismesis anymore, I j-just can't. I'll lose you from my quadrants altogether before I'll actively antagonize you again."
Dirk's hand twitched. The movement was weak and had no grip, but his fingers wrapped around Jake's hand all the same.
Jake smiled weakly even as the tears picked up again. "I hated this, Dirk. I fucking hated hating you."
Dirk's mouth twitched into the smallest of frowns. "Me too," he whispered.
Dirk's fingers flexed up uselessly. Jake took the hint and raised Dirk's arm for him until he was within reach to wipe at Jake's leaking eyes.
Jake leaned in and kissed him softly -- no biting, no thrashing, and no growling. It was chaste, but he held it a long time, just soaking in Dirk's warmth. He paused only long enough to breathe before kissing him again, and again, and again, and again.
"Jake."
"Mm?" Jake said, moving in for another kiss instead of waiting for the answer.
"I-" Dirk moaned quietly into the kiss as Jake deepened it. "Jake," he said when they finally surfaced for air.
"What?" Jake said but just kissed him again.
"I'm never going to be able to fucking move again if you don't stop kissing me," Dirk mumbled against Jake's lips.
"Oh." Jake blushed. "Right." He pulled away and tried to content himself with stroking Dirk's face. He slipped his shades off in hopes just that intimacy would be enough, but the sight of Dirk's eyes rekindled a strong desire to press as close against him as possible and kiss him until his lingual muscle turned numb. "Dirk?"
Dirk was watching Jake with the same expression he had when he was trying to puzzle out a complicated machine. "Yeah?"
"I really want to keep kissing you right now."
Dirk went silent long enough that Jake feared he was going to turn him down. "Then I guess you'd better fucking get on that and make the paralysis worth my while."
They exchanged weary smirks. Jake slid an arm behind Dirk's back and propped him up, kissing him with far more intensity than in any of their violent, aggressive hate-makeouts. He would have been happy to share that single kiss for over an hour, just taking in Dirk's mouth and stealing his warm breath. He settled for a full minute, allowing a few seconds of recovery before moving in for a similar kiss.
Jake slipped his fingers into Dirk's waistband. "May I?" he whispered into his mouth.
"Better question is why you took this damn long."
Jake chuckled and undid his jeans. He was careful in peeling his clothes off, piece by piece, doing everything he could to distance the process from their rough pitched foreplay. It had been far too long since he'd last seen Dirk fully unclothed; he'd almost forgotten how beautiful he was.
Jake moved in for another kiss and would have forgotten to bother pulling off his own clothes if Dirk hadn't let out a disappointed grunt.
"Yes, yes, I'm getting to it, hold your hoofbeasts," Jake said, stroking Dirk's hair.
He wished Dirk could take over undressing him, return the affection a little, but he supposed that was the disadvantage of drugging his matesprit into paralysis. (He didn't think he'd want to use blueblood's bane again anytime soon. He didn't need a submissive matesprit.)
Jake had forgotten what it felt like to unabashedly enjoy sex. They'd fucked numerous times in recent days, and he could never deny that it always felt good, but there was a degree to which it had also felt tainted, shameful, and scripted.
This was how it should have been, moving in sync with each other (for as much as Dirk could move) instead of moving to thwart each other. It had all the same physical gratification as before, but it was intimate, intense yet gentle, and most importantly cautious, as if they were seeking out the trust they'd lost in each other together and didn't dare scare it away.
He still hated that it ended, but there were things to look forward to after it this time. He crawled along Dirk's body and snuggled in against his shoulder, kissing at his jaw and stroking the side of his neck. As soon as Dirk had the strength for it, he wrapped his arms around Jake and held him close.
They fell asleep curled into each other's warmth and that was really all Jake needed.
Back to Chapter Index
Fandom: Homestuck
Rating: M
Word count: 5,064
Pairing(s): Jake English<3Dirk Strider, Jake English<3<Dirk Strider, Jane Crocker<>Jake English
Warnings: Dubcon, dubcon drug usage, violent makeouts, blood, light sex
Summary: Some unstable relationships end. Others vacillate. The line between pity and hatred grows thin as Jake struggles to adjust to an unplanned kismesissitude with his childhood friend.
Notes: This is a prequel/sequel for Constants & Variables. Mind the warnings on this one.
Read on Dreamwidth under the cut, or over on AO3.
----
For all the moments that Jake had risked life and limb in skirmishes, the confrontations with highblood politicians were not what he hated the most about the rebellion thus far. The worst moments were easily the first few nights in a new city: returning to their hideout before everyone else, waiting hours for any sign of Dirk and Jane, praying nothing had gone wrong in the few hours that he wasn't present...
He paced. They were only gathering intel, they had to be safe, but what if a soldier thought they looked suspicious? What if Dirk had bled? What if a highblood was in a poor mood and took it out on the lowblood who refused to wear a sign? He never should have agreed to splitting up.
His hand went for a pistol as he heard the door open, but to his great relief it was only Dirk. Jake relaxed and moved in to greet him with a kiss.
"Been waiting long?" Dirk said, sounding too amused for Jake's taste.
Jake lightly shoved his shoulder. "You sent me on the easy errand, you idle-sponged lout." He nuzzled the side of Dirk's face. "Where's Jane?"
"She's lying low with a tealblood friend." Dirk nuzzled back. "She can keep her ear to the ground easier around a mid-caste, if anything goes wrong on our end."
Jake sighed and preemptively brought the physical affection to a halt. "I take it you have plans for us before the night's over?"
Dirk nodded. "Jane did a little sleuthing. Turns out that indigoblood we're after has got a lowblood fetish." He held up a packet of slimy, purple leaves shaped almost unnaturally like a triangle.
Jake had never seen blueblood's bane in person, but he'd watched enough movies to know it at a glance. The stuff was a strong sedative that left highbloods physically helpless and had practically no effect on trolls with teal or lower blood. In films, the lowblood would chew on a leaf until the oils settled in their mouth, then transfer the sedative to their highblood partner by swapping saliva.
It was... kinky, perhaps, but not uncommonly used between couples of differing blood castes. Matesprits used it to build trust. Kismeses used it to show dominance against a physically stronger lover.
The fact Dirk had procured some while discussing an indigoblood did not... bode well.
Jake grimaced. "Please tell me you're not about to suggest what I think you are."
"Bet you anything I can seduce the guy in five minutes and slit his throat within five more."
Jake's skin crawled. "You're going to whore yourself out?"
"I'm just going to swap some spit and be out of there long before there's any opportunity to get freaky with a highblood perv." Dirk smirked. "Don't worry; you're still the only guy for me."
"What if he doesn't move in for a kiss? What if his other fetishes include avoiding his partner's saliva at all costs?" Jake threw up a hand in exasperation. "Dirk, he could rape you, notice your genetic material is bright friggin red, and have you executed on the spot!"
"You saying you wouldn't come swooping in to my rescue? This sounds right up your alley, dude."
"For the love of-" Jake slapped his palm against his forehead. "If I ever caught someone attempting to hurt you, I would shoot them so many times there wouldn't be an unused bullet left for miles! All the same, I'd rather you not go gallivanting off into perilous situations under the questionable assurance that I'll be able to keep up!"
Dirk raised an eyebrow over his shades. "Remember when I told you to be more skeptical like Jane?"
Jake huffed. "Yes."
"Now's not the time." Dirk kissed at the corner of his mouth. "Trust in me here, Jake."
"I trust you," Jake grumbled. "I still don't like my matesprit canoodling with someone that viperous."
"I'll make it up to you afterwards." Dirk kissed at Jake's throat, lightly sucking at his skin in that way that always made Jake shiver.
"I'll hold you to that promise, Strider," Jake said, his voice breathy.
Dirk nodded and took his time pulling away from Jake's neck. "Let's get this shit done before the sun comes up." He took out a single leaf of blueblood's bane and held it between two fingers.
"Should you take that so early?"
"Better to take it here than risk someone seeing." Dirk shrugged. "The oils will last the night either way." He slipped it into his mouth and winced with an expression that could only accompany an unexpectedly bad taste.
"Never tried it before?" Jake said, fighting a smirk. It wasn't often he got to see Dirk squirm.
Dirk shook his head and only chewed a couple more times before forcing himself to swallow.
Jake caught him around the waist and pulled him in close for a kiss. The normally comforting taste of Dirk's mouth was diluted by a bitter, almost sour flavor.
"My word, that is awful." Jake spat his tongue out, trying to banish the taste. "How long before the paralysis would take effect if I was a highblood?"
"Less than a minute. So long as I don't really fuck up my timing, I sh-" Dirk stumbled, then crashed to the floor.
Jake was too startled to do more than gape. "Dirk?"
Dirk struggled as if a weight was pressing him against the ground. "Fuck." He went still and, for the first time in memory, Dirk fucking Strider looked sheepish. "I hadn't factored in the mutation."
"Pffff-" Jake had to slap a hand over his mouth to muffle his laughter, for as little good as it did.
"Your sense of humor is shit, Jake."
"I-I'm sorry, I shouldn't laugh, I just-" He cracked up all the more. "Oh god, Janey should have seen that. What a fucking hoot."
Dirk twitched and barely seemed capable of even raising an arm. "Just get me off the damn floor."
"Righto." Jake chuckled even as he knelt to lift him. He'd never felt Dirk go so limp, not even after he'd hurt his leg and needed Jake to carry him after a bad scrum. He laid Dirk on the couch and sat next to him, stroking his face. "Oh, you poor thing. Poor, pitiful thing. Bottom of the hemospectrum and you're still reacting like a bejabbering purpleblood."
Dirk frowned and weakly nuzzled against Jake's hand. He looked so helpless, so feeble, so completely un-Dirk-like... and so, so pitiful.
Jake kissed his forehead. "How long does the paralysis last?"
"When passed via saliva, twenty minutes at the most."
Jake tilted his head. "And... when ingested directly?"
Dirk hesitated before he muttered, "Five hours."
"Oh my god." Jake had to choke down another bark of laughter. "Good thing you ate the blasted stuff here instead of in public."
Dirk grunted, scowling.
"It's not all bad." Jake slipped Dirk's shades off. He loved the intensity of Dirk's eyes, the bright red on yellow that he so rarely got to view... He leaned in close, staring directly into Dirk's eyes. "So. What shall I do with you for five hours then, hmm?"
To Jake's delight, there was the faintest of a red glow on Dirk's cheeks. "I can't trust you to take initiative yet? Dammit, Harley, I've told you to be more assertive."
Jake grinned. "You mean like this?" He leaned in and kissed Dirk deeply.
"Yeah," Dirk said once Jake let him breathe again. "That's a decent start."
Jake nodded with a chuckle. He kissed him, first on the lips, then the chin, then the throat, then he was doing a great deal more than kissing. He slid an arm up his shirt, rubbed his side... slid an arm down his jeans, rubbed his thigh.
Dirk was so weak, he could barely even kiss back, but that was all right. It wasn't often that Jake had the pleasure of pampering his matesprit. He wasn't sure Dirk had ever allowed him half this much control, but he found he liked it. He liked it a lot.
It didn't matter that Dirk couldn't return any favors; it was just so satisfying to try out different pressures, different spots, different ways to be intimate, and hear a moan of approval. It was like an experiment: carefully searching for the perfect balance of rough and gentle that would make Dirk melt into a very uncool mess of whines.
Jake had never been so relieved that Jane was staying with a friend. He wanted to take his time, to get as close as Dirk would let him, without fear of interruption.
When he'd sufficiently tired himself out, Jake lay on Dirk's chest, breathing in sync with him and listening to the beautiful, steady beat of his blood pusher. Dirk had enough energy back to stroke at his shoulders. Everything was perfect, and lovely, and time could just stop for all Jake cared.
"Dirk?" he whispered.
"Hn?"
He swallowed, summing up the courage to continue. "Can we do this again sometime?" He lowered his eyes as he felt a blush coming on. "I mean, I'd ingest the blueblood's bane, you wouldn't be stuck like this for a full five hours again..." He rubbed Dirk's sides. "I'd just kiss you and... take care of you a bit... if... if you were okay with that."
Dirk was silent a moment. "I guess sometimes. If that's what you want."
Jake beamed and snuggled in closer. For as much as he'd enjoyed their swapped power dynamics over the past few hours, he was more than relieved when he felt Dirk's arms wrap tightly around him, his strength returned.
* * *
In terms of specifics, I depict blackrom as a strong rivalry that involves taking advantage of your partner's weak points so that they have to build stronger defenses (which would be an important survival mechanism on a place as ruthless as Alternia). Thus, a lot of the intimate moments come with a struggle for dominance that may look iffy from a human perspective. But yeah, I promise it's 100% about "I'll show YOU who's dominant in this relationship! *feral alien noises*" and there's no "do not want!" going on.
Also, violence and blood.
Chapter Two
It didn't happen often, but it was one of the most gratifying moments in their relationship whenever Dirk voluntarily went limp in his arms, whenever he kissed Jake knowing full-well he'd turn defenseless in the bargain. It meant he trusted Jake to take care of him, to protect him if they were in danger, to respect his boundaries and relinquish control if it stopped being fun.
Jake loved the trust just as much as he loved traversing Dirk's body, and maybe even more so. (Maybe not. It was so delightful to watch Dirk relax under his touch, unable to turn it back on Jake and make him the center of attention in time to mask his emotions again.)
More than once, he held Dirk close as he slept and studied his face, wishing it could always look so serene. "Jake Harley, you cockamamie fool, you would walk to Hell and back for this man without a second's hesitation," he murmured to himself. He truly thought he meant it.
Jake knew it was common practice, that the quadrants could flip at a moment's notice if a relationship ever grew unstable, but he could never have imagined vacillating to black with Dirk.
Yet two thousand sweeps later, Dirk's claws mercilessly tore into his back and Jake snarled to prevent crying out. He wasn't fast enough to make many marks on Dirk, but when he saw an opportunity, he fucking took it. He caught one of Dirk's horns, yanked his head back, and bit into his exposed throat hard enough to draw blood.
Dirk growled and caught both of Jake's wrists, pinning him to the ground, but Jake refused to loosen his jaw. Dirk pressed a claw into each of Jake's palms, cutting deeper and deeper. Jake only bit harder in retaliation -- I'll make you cry out whether you like it or not, you sodding asshole -- and twisted his hold until Dirk finally groaned in pain.
Satisfied, he pried his fangs out of Dirk's skin and didn't even mind when Dirk slammed his head against the ground. Jake smirked up at him and licked blood off the front of his teeth.
Bright red blood -- the bright red blood they used to try so damn hard to hide at all costs -- dripped off Dirk's throat onto Jake's cheek and it felt so. Fucking. Satisfying. That he'd made Dirk bleed again.
Dirk didn't let him savor the victory long. He tore into Jake's throat and made him shriek in far less time than Jake had taken to get a peep out of Dirk. When Jake had been sufficiently bitten into a whining mess, Dirk moved in for a kiss. Jake tasted blood and he hoped Dirk could taste the cherry red blood on his lips too.
Unfastening clothing was always intense, as it was Jake's one short but consistent window to do damage while Dirk's hands were too preoccupied to defend himself. His claws tore into Dirk's shoulders and broke old cuts back open, which was probably why Dirk never bothered wrestling shirts off or anything else beyond unzipping, yanking pants down to the knees, and calling it good enough. It let him catch Jake's wrists again that much faster and bring his onslaught to a halt.
Dirk kissed him again roughly as he pressed between his legs. Jake writhed and tried not to moan, tried to struggle for dominance even though he knew damn well he didn't have a chance of success. For all his small victories during foreplay, Jake couldn't manage to make a single nick in Dirk's defenses once they actually got to the sex.
In all truth, Jake almost hated it. He hated that something that used to be about trust had turned into a game of dominance -- a game he always lost, no less. He hated that he couldn't moan too loudly or call his quadrantmate's name for fear of giving Dirk one more "win." He hated how much he wanted it, how good it felt in the moment, how unsatisfied it left him in the aftermath...
Hate had become the point, though, hadn't it?
Despite the other frustrations, more than anything else he hated that it ended. Every second that Dirk held him in place was one more moment to relish in his kismesis's warmth. Once the bucket was filled, Dirk was gone. No tired follow-up makeout session to wind down the moment, no treating wounds together, and no falling asleep in each other's arms.
Jake just lay half-naked and alone on the floor, too physically and emotionally drained to bother moving. Only after drifting off a few times did he drag himself to his feet to stumble to his moirail's block.
Jane dropped her book when she caught sight of him. She was on her feet and leading him to the couch lickety-split, cringing at his wounds.
She did him the favor of letting him settle in before she started on the well-deserved scolding. "For gosh sake, Jake, this is the second time this week!" She caught his palm and ran her fingers over the cut, her hand glowing in Life powers that dulled the pain as the wound sealed. "You can't let him do this to you!"
Jake frowned. "Well I'm sorry for letting him best me in every scrum we find ourselves in."
"You're not physically capable of being his rival, Jake." She sighed and spoke softly. "Either one of you needs to address that, or you need an auspistice before you get seriously hurt." She switched to his other hand, treating its wound the same as the other. She kept her eyes trained on his face. "What about Rose? She's smart and should be impartial."
Jake cringed. "Oh, Janey, not one of the kids..."
"Sorry, Jake, but it's pretty slim pickings for quadrantmates these days." She slipped her hand around his once it was healed.
"Yes, quite true." He squeezed her hand. "I guess I should count my lucky stars that I'm fortunate enough to have snagged a swell moirail."
She managed a small smile and leaned in to kiss his cheek. "Together we both must have more lucky stars than we know what to do with." She nuzzled at his jaw, then froze as she got a good look at the bloody markings on his throat. "Consarn it, Strider! Just how many scars did he intend to leave?"
Jake scowled and lifted his chin when she tapped it to get a better angle for healing the bitemarks. "Just for the record, I gave him more than his fair share of shiners too."
She raised an eyebrow.
"I did this time! Blast, did I wipe off all the red blood already?"
"No." Her eyes moved up and down, studying him. "Jake? Do you really hate Dirk?"
He scoffed. "Of course I flipping do! The blooming bastard's a needy, self-righteous bulgefuck."
She nodded, her mouth thin. "He is awfully pushy, I suppose."
"Is something the matter?"
"No. No, not really, it's just..." She frowned. "Sometimes it's hard to remember that we used to all be friends." Her mouth twitched as if she wanted to smile but couldn't quite make it. Her voice grew quieter with each word. "I hate we can't just all hang out anymore, the four of us. Especially when I'm responsible for that."
"Don't talk poppycock." He put an arm around her shoulders and held her close. "All right, maybe this isn't the most ideal outcome, but we both know things would never have just gone back to the way they were, even if you hadn't interfered. We would have lost Roxy, for one, and then perhaps you'd be the one sinking your fangs into Dirk's throat instead of me."
She pressed her face against his shoulder and was quiet a long moment, hopefully digesting his words and feeling better about herself. "Instead of I. Grammar, Jake."
"Sakes alive! Here I'm trying to cheer up a dame and you're more concerned that I need to sound like a stiff old curmudgeon! 'Instead of I.' Do you hear how gawky that sounds?"
She let out a quiet "hoo-hoo" and grinned. "It's still correct, buster."
Jake wrapped both arms around her and continued his gentle teasing as they snuggled, relieved to have found a way to ease the tension in the air.
He still had concerns about Dirk he wished he could air, but... well. She'd been through so much. It wasn't very gentleman-like, to verbally heap on more problems after she'd made it clear she had her own worries to keep track of.
Gracious, maybe they did need an auspistice, if their rivalry was starting to affect others. He couldn't imagine Dirk being terribly cooperative though, especially considering their choices of potential auspistices came down to their moirails, four trolls a great deal younger than them, and a handful of aliens and other assorted oddities.
Where did that leave them then? Breaking up? That wouldn't do; they hated each other far too much to just go their separate ways without making things worse somehow. Jake just needed to match or exceed Dirk's dominance, somehow.
Well, he knew how. He just wasn't sure he was ready to fall back on that solution.
He held Jane close and kissed the top of her head. The poor thing didn't need to deal with tending his wounds every other day and he couldn't imagine Roxy was having a fun time dealing with Dirk either. They needed to stop letting their blackrom issues ricochet onto their moirails and, well, if Dirk wasn't going to man up and do it... Jake supposed it was time to make him.
* * *
Matesprits used it to build trust.
Kismeses used it to assert dominance against naturally stronger partners.
It was normal, there was nothing underhanded about it, but Jake was quite disappointed when he succeeded in alchemizing blueblood's bane. He'd hoped it was impossible and that he'd have an excuse not to use it. No such luck.
He almost put it in his sylladex to deal with later, but he couldn't put it off. It was this or continue making life difficult for Jane. It was this or endless bitemarks on his neck with nary any revenge. It was this or breaking up.
He swallowed a leaf and shuddered. The flavor hadn't improved even an iota since he'd last eaten one.
For the next couple of nights, he ingested one leaf every five hours, save for when he was asleep, always prepared for his next hate-makeout. It was on night three that he found himself alone with Dirk again, trading insults after some petty disagreement until they finally physically clashed.
Jake didn't move in to swap saliva. He could have done it, Dirk's defenses were rarely so high against such a seemingly innocent move, but he waited. He wanted Dirk to bring it on himself, to steal a kiss and realize his mistake too late.
Dirk pinned him to a wall and just ravaged his throat for a while. Jake tried futilely to break free from his grasp and return the damage, his whimpers and moans growing embarrassingly louder the longer Dirk's teeth worked at his neck -- it reached a volume that he worried the walls might be too thin.
Finally Dirk raised his head, nipping along Jake's jaw on the journey up, and pressed their mouths together. Jake tasted blood, but the flavor of the blueblood's bane must have faded in the past hour, if Dirk's initial non-reaction was anything to go by. It was only a matter of seconds before he realized...
Dirk's eyes widened behind his shades. For the first time in over two thousand sweeps, Dirk crumpled in his arms. Jake let him just collapse to the floor.
Jake took a deep breath and smirked before he examined the fruits of his hard work. Dirk's limbs twitched, fighting to move so much as an inch, but he was too weak to even lift his head, let alone defend himself.
Jake should have been elated, but his rightful smug satisfaction barely had a chance to manifest before it drained away as he watched Dirk struggle so futilely. Something felt... wrong.
Dirk was helpless and weak and fragile. Every instinct screamed that Jake needed to protect him, to keep him safe, to scoop him up in his arms before danger could find them...
Jake clenched his hands to fight their trembling. "I've heard of falling for someone, Strider, but I don't think you needed to take it literally." He stepped on Dirk's stomach and slowly pressed his weight down. Dirk gasped and Jake felt a tremor beneath his foot. The poor idiot was still trying to fight him off, knowing damned well he turned weaker than a feather on a blustery day when he was on blueblood's bane.
It was laughable. Of course it was. Jake forced a chuckle.
Dirk growled, but the sound was muffled in his paralysis. It looked all the more pathetic when he tried to bare his teeth. It shouldn't have been any surprise the stubborn asshole wouldn't lose his position of dominance without pointlessly trying to fight it every inch of the way.
Jake knelt and kept one knee pinning Dirk's torso at such an angle that it had to hurt. Ignoring Dirk's feeble attempts at aggression, Jake leaned in to kiss at his neck, to suck at it, to sink his teeth into it until Dirk whined in submission.
Pale green droplets landed on Dirk's neck. Jake had to stare for a full five seconds before he recognized them as his own tears.
He was just being a good kismesis. He was taking advantage of Dirk's weaknesses and forcing him into submission and reminding him they were fated rivals for a reason and that was how kismeses were supposed to be and he fucking hated it so damn much.
He couldn't find air. His best friend- his matesprit- Dirk was helpless and in pain and how the fuck could he have ever thought that was okay?
He choked and his next breath came out in a sob. He crumpled against Dirk's chest, burying his face in his shirt and clinging to his sides as the tears wrenched out of him. He couldn't stop shaking or crying or hating everything about himself for going along with this farce.
The only words he could blubber were a distorted, "I'm sorry," sometimes with an accompanying "I'm so fucking sorry" that was so caught up in sobs that even Jake couldn't understand it.
(He wanted to keep Dirk safe and make him happy and hold him close and how could he have forgotten that?)
Dirk didn't respond. He wouldn't be capable of physically reacting for another fifteen minutes -- he couldn't shove him away or hug him back -- but he remained silent too. Jake hoped the lack of growls and snarls was a good sign.
Jake stayed curled up against Dirk until the sobs calmed into trembling sniffles. "I'm sorry," he said again. "I m-must look a right mess to you." He wiped at his eyes as he sat up.
Dirk's expression was unreadable, as per usual, but Jake was just relieved to find it free of visible anger. "You going to explain what that was about?" Even his voice was flatter than usual, the only noticeable emotion a twinge of confusion.
"I just..." Jake swallowed. "I'm s-sorry, Dirk. I n-never should have abandoned you." He lifted Dirk's arm and kissed at the scarring around his wrist. "I was a d-dagblasted selfish nookwhiffer for trying to walk away from something I knew you couldn't escape." He choked out a pained laugh, pressing his face against Dirk's arm as more tears fell. "Y-you know, I have no idea how I ever survived a day in a kismesissitude with you... in part because I could never keep up with you, but mostly because I pity you so. Damn. Much."
Dirk sighed and Jake wasn't sure if he imagined a slight tremble to the sound. "Goddammit, Jake." He sounded tired. "How many fucking times have I told you to stop going along with what other people want?"
"I know. I know I don't deserve a second chance, but... Please let's start over." He clung to Dirk's hand. "I can't be your kismesis anymore, I j-just can't. I'll lose you from my quadrants altogether before I'll actively antagonize you again."
Dirk's hand twitched. The movement was weak and had no grip, but his fingers wrapped around Jake's hand all the same.
Jake smiled weakly even as the tears picked up again. "I hated this, Dirk. I fucking hated hating you."
Dirk's mouth twitched into the smallest of frowns. "Me too," he whispered.
Dirk's fingers flexed up uselessly. Jake took the hint and raised Dirk's arm for him until he was within reach to wipe at Jake's leaking eyes.
Jake leaned in and kissed him softly -- no biting, no thrashing, and no growling. It was chaste, but he held it a long time, just soaking in Dirk's warmth. He paused only long enough to breathe before kissing him again, and again, and again, and again.
"Jake."
"Mm?" Jake said, moving in for another kiss instead of waiting for the answer.
"I-" Dirk moaned quietly into the kiss as Jake deepened it. "Jake," he said when they finally surfaced for air.
"What?" Jake said but just kissed him again.
"I'm never going to be able to fucking move again if you don't stop kissing me," Dirk mumbled against Jake's lips.
"Oh." Jake blushed. "Right." He pulled away and tried to content himself with stroking Dirk's face. He slipped his shades off in hopes just that intimacy would be enough, but the sight of Dirk's eyes rekindled a strong desire to press as close against him as possible and kiss him until his lingual muscle turned numb. "Dirk?"
Dirk was watching Jake with the same expression he had when he was trying to puzzle out a complicated machine. "Yeah?"
"I really want to keep kissing you right now."
Dirk went silent long enough that Jake feared he was going to turn him down. "Then I guess you'd better fucking get on that and make the paralysis worth my while."
They exchanged weary smirks. Jake slid an arm behind Dirk's back and propped him up, kissing him with far more intensity than in any of their violent, aggressive hate-makeouts. He would have been happy to share that single kiss for over an hour, just taking in Dirk's mouth and stealing his warm breath. He settled for a full minute, allowing a few seconds of recovery before moving in for a similar kiss.
Jake slipped his fingers into Dirk's waistband. "May I?" he whispered into his mouth.
"Better question is why you took this damn long."
Jake chuckled and undid his jeans. He was careful in peeling his clothes off, piece by piece, doing everything he could to distance the process from their rough pitched foreplay. It had been far too long since he'd last seen Dirk fully unclothed; he'd almost forgotten how beautiful he was.
Jake moved in for another kiss and would have forgotten to bother pulling off his own clothes if Dirk hadn't let out a disappointed grunt.
"Yes, yes, I'm getting to it, hold your hoofbeasts," Jake said, stroking Dirk's hair.
He wished Dirk could take over undressing him, return the affection a little, but he supposed that was the disadvantage of drugging his matesprit into paralysis. (He didn't think he'd want to use blueblood's bane again anytime soon. He didn't need a submissive matesprit.)
Jake had forgotten what it felt like to unabashedly enjoy sex. They'd fucked numerous times in recent days, and he could never deny that it always felt good, but there was a degree to which it had also felt tainted, shameful, and scripted.
This was how it should have been, moving in sync with each other (for as much as Dirk could move) instead of moving to thwart each other. It had all the same physical gratification as before, but it was intimate, intense yet gentle, and most importantly cautious, as if they were seeking out the trust they'd lost in each other together and didn't dare scare it away.
He still hated that it ended, but there were things to look forward to after it this time. He crawled along Dirk's body and snuggled in against his shoulder, kissing at his jaw and stroking the side of his neck. As soon as Dirk had the strength for it, he wrapped his arms around Jake and held him close.
They fell asleep curled into each other's warmth and that was really all Jake needed.
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