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nobrandheroTitle: Farewell to Someone Else's Dream Job
Fandom: Persona 4
Rating: G
Word count: 1,265
Pairing(s): Gen
Warnings: some bullying
Summary: People treat Risechi better than Rise. Risechi acts more confident and outgoing than Rise. Rise can't even tell herself apart from Risechi anymore and she's not sure she's comfortable with that.
Notes: Written for Persona 4 the Fanwork Week, Day One: Favorite Character.
Read on Dreamwidth under the cut, or over on AO3.
----
The realization that she wasn't sure who she was didn't come tumbling down on Rise all at once. It was a gradual transition. She wasn't even sure where it started, though she knew when she first noticed it.
After a short break following her sudden stardom, she'd been back in school for half a year. She never thought she would miss the experience, but once she was back she wasn't sure why she hadn't enjoyed it in the past. Learning was pretty fun so long as the homework wasn't too tricky and her classmates were so friendly; everyone waved at her in the hallway, and her desk was crowded before and after every class.
She passed two girls in the hallway one morning, one a stranger and one she used to share classes with a couple years ago -- Watanabe Akiko, she thought her name was? They both waved at her with shy smiles and giggled to each other when Rise waved back.
"Oh my god, did you see her?" the unfamiliar girl squealed, barely even trying to keep her voice down. "Isn't she even prettier in person?"
"I know, right?" Watanabe said. "How cool is it that I get to tell my friends that I go to school with the Risechi?"
Rise's step faltered.
Watanabe's voice jarred a memory loose: a memory of a girl looming over Rise's desk and laughing.
"Hey, Kujikawa, don't stare at your feet when I'm talking to you!" Watanabe had said, but Rise had been too nervous and shy to raise her gaze, let alone reply. "You're not even going to get a job at McDonald's with that attitude, you snooty bitch!"
She hadn't thought anything of it at the time, hadn't singled Watanabe out in her mind as a bully, because it was just the norm. Every day her classmates teased her when the teachers' backs were turned, for being quiet or not being popular enough or not being fashionable enough.
Why were they so nice to her now? Was it because she stood taller and spoke louder? (Why could she do that now and not before? Were they really her friends if her posture mattered so much?)
She thought it over for the next week. As she paid more attention to her surroundings, she didn't like what she found. No one except her teachers called her Kujikawa anymore, or even Rise. She was always Risechi. Her classmates only said her name with a smile when they added the cutesy honorific to it.
Such concerns were still heavy on her mind when her manager brandished a tabloid in front of her. The magazine's pages were folded to show off a photo of Rise just outside her school, laughing with a male classmate. The caption read "Risechi's secret boyfriend!?"
"Do I really need to remind you that your contract is very strict about your dating life, Rise?" Inoue said with a stern gaze.
She gaped at him. "What? He's not my boyfriend; he's my classmate! We were just talking about the next school festival!"
He lowered the magazine and shook his head with a sigh. "That's not going to cut it, Rise, with all the cameras around these days. If you're going to hang out with a boy, you need to also keep at least one other girl with you. You could lose your innocent image if you're not careful and then where will your fans be?" He gestured at the office's walls, lined with posters of other idols. "Flocking straight to Kanamin."
She tried not to pout as she listened to his lecture. It wasn't the first time he'd had to explain proper celebrity etiquette to her.
Her freetime was never her own anymore. She couldn't so much as go grocery shopping without risking that a paparazzi might snap her photo at an inopportune moment and humiliate her company, so she was barely allowed outside when it wasn't for school or work.
When she was on tour, of all things, she really missed cooking her own meals. Of course she missed shopping for clothes and jewelry in person too, instead of relying on her company to supply her wardrobe whether it was in her style or not, but no one spiced food as much as she liked and she was sick of how bland it all was. She was sick of having all her choices made for her by a contract that said she had to maintain a certain weight.
Did she even want to be an idol anymore? Had she ever? It had never been her real goal in life -- just a distant fantasy that most young girls harbored for a year or two -- and it was her aunt who'd sent in her application to begin with. But she had accepted the job when it was offered. That had to count for something, right? She must have wanted it, at least a little.
She thought she enjoyed the work, but what if she only enjoyed the attention she got out of it? Did it count when that attention was only aimed at Risechi? Did she like modeling, or did Risechi like modeling? Who was she? Who was Risechi?
It was getting more and more difficult to smile at the camera. She could manage it on command, but she faltered in interviews, enough that Inoue took her aside one day to chastise her again.
"Inoue-san," she said on the car ride back home, "I want to take a break."
He was already fiddling on his cell phone, but the screen switched over to a calendar app within a second. "You're booked up for the next month, but next month's commercial filming was cancelled," he said without looking up. "I can leave that space open if you want a short vacation."
"No. I want a break from modeling, acting, all of it."
He glanced up at her. "You're just feeling a little stressed. Every idol goes through this." He sighed and made a few sharp jabs against his touchscreen. "Look, I can get you tomorrow off. Get some rest and clear your head. You'll change your mind."
She frowned but didn't argue, not until she was back in the studio two days later with the same request.
"I want to take a hiatus," she said, her voice firm and her posture straight, more convinced than ever.
Inoue looked taken aback and perhaps annoyed. "But you have that movie coming up."
She crossed her arms. "I haven't signed any contracts yet. They'll just have to find a new actress."
"Your fans will be so disappointed," he said, his voice soothing as he changed tactics. "You might not be able to win them back if you're gone too long."
"So I'll make new fans!" she said, not even a little discouraged.
Inoue fought her decision every step of the way. Everyone in the company fought her decision (save for the other idols waiting for their opportunity to move up in line). They tried reasoning with her, guilting her with all the trouble her departure would cause, and bribing her with a better contract, but she wouldn't budge.
People didn't smile at her as much once they heard that she wanted to leave Risechi behind. All that did was cement her decision: she wasn't going to be an idol anymore.
She told Inoue-san and the reporters that she'd return in a year, but it might have been a lie. She kept it to herself, but she knew that she wasn't actually making a comeback as Risechi until she knew who Rise was again.
Fandom: Persona 4
Rating: G
Word count: 1,265
Pairing(s): Gen
Warnings: some bullying
Summary: People treat Risechi better than Rise. Risechi acts more confident and outgoing than Rise. Rise can't even tell herself apart from Risechi anymore and she's not sure she's comfortable with that.
Notes: Written for Persona 4 the Fanwork Week, Day One: Favorite Character.
Read on Dreamwidth under the cut, or over on AO3.
----
The realization that she wasn't sure who she was didn't come tumbling down on Rise all at once. It was a gradual transition. She wasn't even sure where it started, though she knew when she first noticed it.
After a short break following her sudden stardom, she'd been back in school for half a year. She never thought she would miss the experience, but once she was back she wasn't sure why she hadn't enjoyed it in the past. Learning was pretty fun so long as the homework wasn't too tricky and her classmates were so friendly; everyone waved at her in the hallway, and her desk was crowded before and after every class.
She passed two girls in the hallway one morning, one a stranger and one she used to share classes with a couple years ago -- Watanabe Akiko, she thought her name was? They both waved at her with shy smiles and giggled to each other when Rise waved back.
"Oh my god, did you see her?" the unfamiliar girl squealed, barely even trying to keep her voice down. "Isn't she even prettier in person?"
"I know, right?" Watanabe said. "How cool is it that I get to tell my friends that I go to school with the Risechi?"
Rise's step faltered.
Watanabe's voice jarred a memory loose: a memory of a girl looming over Rise's desk and laughing.
"Hey, Kujikawa, don't stare at your feet when I'm talking to you!" Watanabe had said, but Rise had been too nervous and shy to raise her gaze, let alone reply. "You're not even going to get a job at McDonald's with that attitude, you snooty bitch!"
She hadn't thought anything of it at the time, hadn't singled Watanabe out in her mind as a bully, because it was just the norm. Every day her classmates teased her when the teachers' backs were turned, for being quiet or not being popular enough or not being fashionable enough.
Why were they so nice to her now? Was it because she stood taller and spoke louder? (Why could she do that now and not before? Were they really her friends if her posture mattered so much?)
She thought it over for the next week. As she paid more attention to her surroundings, she didn't like what she found. No one except her teachers called her Kujikawa anymore, or even Rise. She was always Risechi. Her classmates only said her name with a smile when they added the cutesy honorific to it.
Such concerns were still heavy on her mind when her manager brandished a tabloid in front of her. The magazine's pages were folded to show off a photo of Rise just outside her school, laughing with a male classmate. The caption read "Risechi's secret boyfriend!?"
"Do I really need to remind you that your contract is very strict about your dating life, Rise?" Inoue said with a stern gaze.
She gaped at him. "What? He's not my boyfriend; he's my classmate! We were just talking about the next school festival!"
He lowered the magazine and shook his head with a sigh. "That's not going to cut it, Rise, with all the cameras around these days. If you're going to hang out with a boy, you need to also keep at least one other girl with you. You could lose your innocent image if you're not careful and then where will your fans be?" He gestured at the office's walls, lined with posters of other idols. "Flocking straight to Kanamin."
She tried not to pout as she listened to his lecture. It wasn't the first time he'd had to explain proper celebrity etiquette to her.
Her freetime was never her own anymore. She couldn't so much as go grocery shopping without risking that a paparazzi might snap her photo at an inopportune moment and humiliate her company, so she was barely allowed outside when it wasn't for school or work.
When she was on tour, of all things, she really missed cooking her own meals. Of course she missed shopping for clothes and jewelry in person too, instead of relying on her company to supply her wardrobe whether it was in her style or not, but no one spiced food as much as she liked and she was sick of how bland it all was. She was sick of having all her choices made for her by a contract that said she had to maintain a certain weight.
Did she even want to be an idol anymore? Had she ever? It had never been her real goal in life -- just a distant fantasy that most young girls harbored for a year or two -- and it was her aunt who'd sent in her application to begin with. But she had accepted the job when it was offered. That had to count for something, right? She must have wanted it, at least a little.
She thought she enjoyed the work, but what if she only enjoyed the attention she got out of it? Did it count when that attention was only aimed at Risechi? Did she like modeling, or did Risechi like modeling? Who was she? Who was Risechi?
It was getting more and more difficult to smile at the camera. She could manage it on command, but she faltered in interviews, enough that Inoue took her aside one day to chastise her again.
"Inoue-san," she said on the car ride back home, "I want to take a break."
He was already fiddling on his cell phone, but the screen switched over to a calendar app within a second. "You're booked up for the next month, but next month's commercial filming was cancelled," he said without looking up. "I can leave that space open if you want a short vacation."
"No. I want a break from modeling, acting, all of it."
He glanced up at her. "You're just feeling a little stressed. Every idol goes through this." He sighed and made a few sharp jabs against his touchscreen. "Look, I can get you tomorrow off. Get some rest and clear your head. You'll change your mind."
She frowned but didn't argue, not until she was back in the studio two days later with the same request.
"I want to take a hiatus," she said, her voice firm and her posture straight, more convinced than ever.
Inoue looked taken aback and perhaps annoyed. "But you have that movie coming up."
She crossed her arms. "I haven't signed any contracts yet. They'll just have to find a new actress."
"Your fans will be so disappointed," he said, his voice soothing as he changed tactics. "You might not be able to win them back if you're gone too long."
"So I'll make new fans!" she said, not even a little discouraged.
Inoue fought her decision every step of the way. Everyone in the company fought her decision (save for the other idols waiting for their opportunity to move up in line). They tried reasoning with her, guilting her with all the trouble her departure would cause, and bribing her with a better contract, but she wouldn't budge.
People didn't smile at her as much once they heard that she wanted to leave Risechi behind. All that did was cement her decision: she wasn't going to be an idol anymore.
She told Inoue-san and the reporters that she'd return in a year, but it might have been a lie. She kept it to herself, but she knew that she wasn't actually making a comeback as Risechi until she knew who Rise was again.
